5 Boundary Myths That Keep People-Pleasers Stuck in Burnout
If you’ve ever thought, “I can’t say no—she’ll be upset,” or “I don’t want to let anyone down,” you’re not alone (and you’ve come to the right place!). You care deeply about others, but often struggle with setting boundaries because it feels uncomfortable, even impossible. But let me tell you: boundaries are the key to avoiding burnout, managing anxiety, and reclaiming your life.
The problem? Many of us are stuck believing myths about boundaries—ideas that keep us over-giving, over-working, and over-apologizing. But boundaries aren’t about being harsh or shutting people out. They’re about protecting your time, energy, and mental health so you can thrive.
Let’s break down five common boundary myths and uncover the truth behind
Myth 1: “Setting Boundaries is Selfish”
“If I say no, it will seem like I don’t care.”
This is one of the most common myths, especially for people-pleasers. The idea of saying “no” can feel like rejecting someone you care about. But you wanna know the truth? Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re necessary. They help you prioritize what matters most and avoid overcommitting to things that drain your energy.
Think of it this way: when you overextend yourself, you’re not showing up as your best self. Saying no to what doesn’t align with your values makes room for a more meaningful “yes.”
Let’s flip the script: Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect and love. It also improves your relationships by ensuring you have the energy to be fully present for the people who matter most.
Myth 2: “Boundaries Push People Away”
“What if they get mad or stop talking to me?”
It’s natural to worry that setting boundaries will upset others. But healthy relationships don’t rely on sacrificing your needs to keep the peace. In fact, boundaries can strengthen your relationships by creating clarity and reducing misunderstandings.
When you set a boundary, you’re not saying, “I don’t care about you.” You’re saying, “I care about myself enough to be honest with you.” The people who value and respect you will adapt—and those who don’t may not have your best interests at heart.
Let’s flip the script: Boundaries don’t push people away; they inform others how to respect and connect with the real you.
Myth 3: “If I Set Boundaries, I’m Letting Others Down”
“They’re counting on me. I don’t want to be unhelpful.”
It’s true—sometimes, setting boundaries means others may feel disappointed. That’s valid and a natural response. But their disappointment doesn’t mean you’ve let them down. It simply means they need time to adjust to a new dynamic, one where your needs are part of the equation.
People-pleasers often feel responsible for everyone’s happiness, but carrying that weight leads to burnout and resentment. Setting boundaries isn’t about rejecting others; it’s about respecting yourself. When you honor your limits, you’re not abandoning anyone—you’re choosing to protect your energy so you can show up as your best self.
Let’s flip the script: Disappointment is a normal, human reaction. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed or let someone down—it’s part of healthy relationships and growth.
Myth 4: “Boundaries Make Me Look Incompetent”
“Will people think I can’t handle it?”
Far from making you look incompetent, setting boundaries is one of the strongest indicators of worthiness. It takes confidence and self-awareness to recognize your limits and honor them. Boundaries say, “I value my time and energy enough to protect them.”
If you’re used to being the “go-to” person who handles everything, setting boundaries can feel like admitting defeat. But the truth is, recognizing your limits doesn’t mean you’re incapable—it means you’re human. And when you protect your energy, you actually perform better and show up more fully for the things that matter most.
Let’s flip the script: Setting boundaries isn’t about avoiding responsibility; it’s about making intentional choices that prioritize your well-being and help you thrive.
Myth 5: “Once a Boundary is Set, It’s Rigid and Unchangeable”
“What if I mess up or change my mind?”
Boundaries aren’t written in stone—they’re flexible and can evolve as your needs change. Maybe you set a boundary that’s too strict at first, or you realize later it needs tweaking. That’s okay! Boundaries are a practice, not a one-time event.
Think of boundaries like guardrails on a road trip. They keep you on track, but they can move as the road ahead shifts.
Let’s flip the script: Boundaries are adaptable and can grow with you. The important part is that you put them into practice.
Boundaries aren’t easy, but they’re worth it. By challenging these myths, you can start to create healthier patterns that protect your time, energy, and well-being. Remember, you don’t have to do it all—or please everyone—to be valuable and loved.
Take a moment to reflect: What’s one boundary you’re ready to set for yourself today? Start small, and know that you matter too. Discover more ways to break free from burn out and people pleasing!