What If Your Inner Critic Is Just Really Bad at Math? A Different Take on New Year Planning

The Inner Critic and Its Faulty Math: Why Perfectionism Doesn't Add Up

You know that voice in your head that's already doing calculations about 2024? The one adding up all the things you didn't accomplish last year, subtracting points for perceived failures, and somehow always coming up with a result that equals "not enough"?

Here's an idea: What if your inner critic is just really, really bad at math?

I get it. I've sat with my own planner countless times, staring at the goals I set last January with that familiar pit in my stomach. Maybe you know the feeling - looking at that workout plan you started with such enthusiasm (and now mostly use as a coaster), or the meditation app that keeps sending you those "we miss you!" notifications.

We've all been there: tallying up our perceived shortcomings like we're keeping score in a game we never agreed to play. For me, it used to be counting the number of times I said 'yes' when I wanted to say 'no'—like agreeing to one more playdate when I was already running on fumes, or hosting a dinner with friends because I felt I should. I'd mentally track the hours I spent trying to 'do it all'—work, parenting, friendships—and measure them against the time I spent resting or simply being. As if somehow, those numbers could define whether I was a good enough mom, partner, friend or person.

Why Your Inner Critic Ignores Your Real Wins

Here's what's really happening when our inner critic starts tallying up our worth:

It completely ignores many meaningful moments of your life:

• The time you finally set a boundary at work, even though your heart was racing

• That evening you chose rest instead of answering "just one more" email

• When you showed up authentically in a conversation, instead of saying what you thought others wanted to hear

• The day you decided to start therapy because you knew you deserved support

• Those quiet moments when you gave yourself kindness rather than harsh judgement

Your inner critic conveniently forgets to count these victories. It's like having an accountant who only records expenses and never income – of course the books won't balance!

Finding a Different Way Forward

I think there was a shift for me when I realized my inner critic wasn't actually helping me achieve more or be better - it was just making me feel worse about myself. You know those moments when you're mentally tallying all the things you "should" be doing? For me, it was the endless mental load of thinking I needed to be more productive, more organized, more "together" - whatever that means.

Instead of letting my inner critic run the show, I started getting curious about what actually mattered to me. Not what I thought should matter, but what truly felt meaningful and aligned with my values. Plot twist: taking care of ourselves isn't a detour from our goals - it's essential to achieving what matters most to us.

Small Moments, Big Wins: Victories Your Inner Critic Misses

Of course it's totally normal to want to achieve things. To have goals. To want to make this year different. I still set goals and work hard toward them. The trick isn't to ignore these desires – it's to hold them more lightly.

Think of it like holding a butterfly. Squeeze too tight, and you'll crush it. Hold too loosely, and it flies away. But create just the right amount of space, and you can appreciate its beauty while letting it be exactly what it is.

I've learned (and am still learning) that we can want to grow AND accept ourselves exactly as we are. Both things can be true at the same time. Mind-blowing, right?

How to Set Meaningful Goals Without Feeding Your Inner Critic

So how do we plan for the new year without getting caught in the comparison trap? Here's what I've found helpful:

Notice the Story: When I catch myself keeping score ("Everyone else has their life figured out"), I pause. Get curious. Where did this story come from? Is it really true that everyone else is sailing smoothly through life while I'm here trying to figure out what to make for dinner?

Check Your Values: Instead of measuring yourself against an impossible standard, ask: What matters to me? Not my inner critic, not social media, not that one overachieving friend from college - but me? What kind of person do I want to be? How do I want to show up in my relationships, my work, my life?

Practice Self-Compassion: This one's still a work in progress for me, but it's game-changing. When you notice you're being hard on yourself, try this: Place a hand on your heart and say, "This is a moment of suffering. This is hard. How can I be kind to myself right now?"

Real-Life Strategies for Practicing Self-Compassion in 2025

Let's talk about the things your inner critic can't quantify:

• The way your shoulders relax when you finally say "no" to something that doesn't align with your values

• The quiet pride in choosing yourself, even when the guilt creeps in

• The peace in realizing that maybe, just maybe, you're enough exactly as you are

• The freedom in letting go of "should" and choosing "want" instead

These moments don't fit in a spreadsheet or a goal-tracking app. But they're the stuff life is made of.

Measuring Success Differently: What Really Matters in 2025

As you look ahead to 2025, I invite you to:

• Notice when your inner critic starts keeping score (it will - that's its job)

• Remember that your worth isn't found in any calculation

• Trust that you're exactly where you need to be

• Know that growth doesn't always look like you expect it to

And when you find yourself slipping back into old patterns (because we all do), remember: this isn't about perfection. It's about practice.

For me, success used to mean crossing everything off my to-do list. And don't get me wrong, that still feels very satisfying! Now, success is more about standing firm in my values, activating curiosity and compassion, and trying to be present as much as possible.

Your Invitation to a Kinder, More Compassionate 2025

If you're finding yourself stuck in patterns of self-criticism and "not enough," know that you're not alone. Sometimes we all need support in writing a new story for ourselves. If you'd like help exploring what that could look like for you in 2025, I'm here.

Remember: Your inner critic might be questionable at calculations, but you're doing better than you think. And that's something I know for sure.

Ready to explore a different way of measuring what matters? Let's talk. Book a session to start your journey toward more self-compassion and less self-criticism.