How to Let Go of Someone Who Broke Your Trust (Without Losing Yourself)
The Part No One Talks About After Broken Trust
You've had the hard conversations. You've given them chances. You've practiced patience, offered empathy, and tried to repair the broken trust.
But nothing's shifting.
The same patterns keep repeating. The apologies don't lead to change. And now you're stuck in that awful space between hoping things will get better and knowing, deep down, they won't.
So how do you actually let go of someone who broke your trust — without feeling like you've failed, or worse, without losing the parts of yourself you're proud of?
That's what we're diving into today.
Why Letting Go Feels So Impossible for People-Pleasers
For people-pleasers and high-achievers, ending a relationship (or even emotionally stepping back) can feel like betrayal.
You’ve been taught to hold things together — to keep the peace, to make it work, to be the understanding one.
So when trust keeps breaking, your brain doesn't go, "I deserve better." It goes, "Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe I'm too sensitive. Maybe if I just explain it one more time..."
That instinct — to over-function, smooth things over, or absorb the tension — is how you’ve survived in many of your relationships. It’s why letting go feels like a personal failure instead of what it truly is: an act of self-respect.
The Turning Point: When Repair Becomes Self-Betrayal
Here’s the truth that’s hard to see when you’re in the middle of it: repair requires two people.
When you’re the only one taking responsibility, apologizing, or initiating change, you’re not repairing — you’re over-functioning.
Signs You're Over-Functioning in a Relationship:
You feel drained or anxious before seeing the person.
You leave interactions questioning yourself instead of feeling seen.
You minimize your own needs to avoid conflict.
You notice that “talking it out” never actually leads to change.
At that point, letting go isn’t rejection — it’s choosing to stop abandoning yourself.
How to Let Go Without Losing Yourself
Letting go doesn’t mean shutting down or writing someone off overnight. It means recognizing what’s no longer repairable — and honoring the grief that comes with that clarity.
This isn't about becoming a cold person. It's about finally being honest with yourself (and the other person).
Here are a few practices I share with clients who are learning to step back:
Name what’s real.
Write out exactly what’s been happening — not the hopeful version, not the “maybe they’ll change” story, but what’s actually shown up over time.
Acknowledge the loss.
Even when a relationship was painful, it’s okay to grieve the version you hoped it could be. Grief means you cared — not that you made a mistake.
Create small spaces of relief.
Pay attention to how your body feels when you’re not engaging in the same cycle. Relief, calm, or even guilt are all signs you’re starting to release something heavy.
Anchor back to your values.
Ask yourself: “How do I want to show up in relationships moving forward?”
Let that guide you, not guilt or obligation.
The Emotional Cost of Holding On Too Long
Most people think the pain comes from letting go. But the truth is, the deeper pain often comes from staying — from continuing to invest energy in someone who’s shown you they won’t meet you halfway.
Staying too long can quietly chip away at your confidence and make you distrust your own instincts. It teaches your nervous system that discomfort is normal — that love means endurance.
But that’s not love. That’s survival.
And you deserve more than that.
What Letting Go Makes Possible
When you start releasing relationships that can’t hold mutual trust, something powerful happens.
You start to notice space — space to breathe, to think, to rest.
You start listening inward again.
You stop waiting for someone else to validate what you already know.
Letting go makes room for relationships that feel peaceful, reciprocal, and safe — the kind that don’t require you to constantly prove your worth.
When the Dust Settles: Learning to Trust Yourself Again
After you let go, there’s often quiet — the kind that feels both freeing and unsettling.
You might start to wonder:
“Can I trust myself to choose differently next time?”
“What if I miss the red flags again?”
“Who am I without that role of fixer or caretaker?”
This is the in-between — the part after you’ve stopped chasing broken trust, but before you’ve fully learned to trust yourself again.
It’s disorienting because for so long, your energy went into managing someone else. Now it’s about learning to stay connected to you.
That’s the next step in this work: rebuilding self-trust.
Learning to believe your own perceptions, to honor your limits without guilt, and to recognize safety not through others’ approval, but through your own sense of ease.
When the time comes to open up again — not to anyone, but to the right ones — it matters that you know what to look for. In case it helps, I wrote something about the 5 traits of a truly trustworthy person.
A Micro-Reflection for Today
Try journaling on this:
“If I stop trying to fix this relationship, what becomes possible for me?”
Notice what feelings arise — fear, guilt, maybe even relief. Each one tells you something about where your energy has been going and what might be ready to shift.
Therapy for People-Pleasers and High-Achievers in California & Nevada
If you’re in that space between trying to repair and ready to release, I’m here to walk that path with you.
I help high-achieving women and people-pleasers rebuild trust — both in others and in themselves.
Through holistic counseling and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we’ll slow things down, notice what’s keeping you tied to old dynamics, and practice making choices that honor your needs — without the guilt spiral.
If you’re ready to stop carrying one-sided relationships, let’s talk.
You can schedule a free consultation here.
Not quite ready for therapy? Stay connected through my newsletter on Substack — where I share gentle, honest reflections on boundaries, burnout, and healing self-trust.