The Holiday Blues Got Ya Down? Follow These 7 Easy Strategies to Feel Better in No Time!

Transcript:

Hi there.

The holiday season can be a really hard time of year for people. I know with my clients that it's been a huge topic of our discussion recently because for many of them it has been a sad and a lonely time. Why is this? Well, maybe your holiday used to be, from what you can remember a happy time - maybe when you were a child. And maybe now years later life looks a little bit different and it doesn't feel quite the same. Maybe it was happy when your kids were little and now they're grown and they have families of their own and it's hard to find time together. Maybe this expectation of joy and abundance is not at all what it's ever been like for your holiday season. And, instead the holidays come with the obligation to spend time with people rather than the desire. Because maybe these are family members that you intentionally avoid but you spend time with once a year or twice a year. Maybe these are people who's values you disagree with, who's politics, behaviors - that can be really stressful. Maybe you're spending time with people in your family who you've had some conflict with and it's never been resolved and so you're dealing with an elephant in the room situation. Maybe there's family secrets and you all come together and all of a sudden it's sort of like, you feel it, but nothing is really discussed. 

There's all sorts of dynamics that can occur. And that's not even to mention that there's additional stressors of just buying gifts, and hosting, and various events, and demands that can sorta add to the stress of the season. 

So I want to talk about ways to help you get ahead of the holiday blues and minimize your stress so that hopefully your holidays can be, perhaps a little more joyful.

Ok so the first tip that I think is really really important is to acknowledge your feelings. So just because it's the holiday season doesn't mean you can force happiness. So maybe you didn't have the option or it wasn't possible for you to fly across the country and spend the holidays with your family and that brings you sadness. I want you to feel ok to acknowledge that. So once again the holidays do not have to be this happy time. Holidays are whatever they are. So that's really important.

So the next tip, tip #2, is to set aside differences and practice compassion. So the holidays are not a good time to try to change people in your family with whom you don't really like or don't really agree with and wish were different. And in fact, it may never be a good time to do that. But in particular, it's not a good time during holidays. So I encourage you - in order to enjoy your time more, I really encourage you to try to accept your family and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to their expectations or if you don't agree with their choices or behaviors. Have compassion for them. The truth is that they might also have difficulty during this holiday season and they might not be at their best. So how to find common ground and appreciate whatever it is. Even if it's we've come together and we share common blood and we've had some good times in the past. 

So the next tip is particularly if you are someone who is feeling really lonely or isolated this holiday season, I want you to reach out for support. It's really really important even if, sometimes the more isolated we are the less inclined we are to do this. So it's really important to seek out community, religious events, social events, whatever it is. And if you're having a hard time coming up with what that might be - if you feel like, man I don't really have many options or I don't really have many people in my life that I feel comfortable reaching out to - then look for ways that you can volunteer. Volunteering is a great way to give back, get outside of yourself, and be surrounded with some community. 

So the next tip is to create realistic expectations. Your holiday will not be perfect, and it might not be like last year, it might not be the way it used to be. You know, change is the only thing that we know to be constant. So, as time goes on, rituals change, their lost, so it's really important to be realistic with your expectations. What are the rituals and what are the things you can hold on to that still make sense and what are the new rituals that you're going to create. How can you be flexible in saying well, this no longer works anymore based on my family dynamic or based on where I live, so I'd like to introduce this new ritual because you know, rituals are ways that we feel safe and connected. 

So the next tip is a really important one, which is to practice boundaries and in particular, say "no." Saying "yes" when you feel obligation, you might say "yes" because you have this fear of missing out. "Gosh I would hate to miss this event even though it's going to be a real tight crunch and man I could really use the night off but what if I'm missing these people..." Right? These are reasons we say yes. We say yes sometimes because we feel like we'll hurt a person's feelings and it really matters that we need this person's approval. So there's a lot of reasons that we say yes. We are all guilty of this. But what ends up happening is when we say yes when we really should say no is we end up feeling resentful. We may end up feeling overwhelmed. And we may also end up bailing on our commitments. So last minute we decide, shoot, I really just can't do this and have to cancel last minute. Which, inevitably probably makes this feeling worse about ourselves actually because then we feel guilty that we were so last minute. 

So, below my video, you'll see my tips here in bullet form and under tips to set boundaries and say no, I have linked a podcast that goes in to a wonderful description of how to gracefully say no and I really recommend if you have an hour that you take some time to listen to it because it will give you much better information than I'm doing in this video here.

So the last 2 are really really simple - you've heard these before - I'm probably preaching to the choir but they're really important so I want to reiterate - which is the practice of gratitude. It's a way to care for yourself. It's a way to increase your mood. It's a way to manage yourself in a better way. My tip to practice gratitude is I think pretty cool because it's also a tip to help you with sleeping if you're particularly feeling stressed and sleep is hard for you right now - which is to use the alphabet to practice gratitude before you go to bed. So an example would be you go to bed, you lay in bed, you close your eyes and the first letter is A - so you could say (you know quietly in your head) "I am grateful for the clean air quality right now" because if you're in California right now you know that we've just had some really really bad fires and the air quality has been poor in the bay area and "I'm just so grateful to be able to go outside and exercise and breathe the clean air." And then you would go on to B and you might say, "I'm appreciative of my bed. It's so comfortable and I'm privileged to have this comfortable bed and get a good night's sleep." So then you go on and on and on and eventually you fall asleep, maybe with even a few letters. 

And then the final tip is to maintain your exercise and your healthy eating habits. It is so so important, particularly during this time when you feel like your schedule is off and whatever else. But it's extra important that you are taking care of yourself during this time. 

So that is all from me. My name is Nicole Byrne. I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and I offer online therapy.

Thanks you!