Unlearning & Acknowledging My Racism; Becoming an Imperfect Ally
I've been pretty quiet over the last couple of weeks; I've intentionally taken a pause from saying much, choosing to share messages from Black content creators rather than put out my own.
But more than anything, I have a lot of unlearning to do. There is a lot to let go of to make space to let in. This pause has helped me only BEGIN to engage in a process where I believe there is no end point in sight.
When this began, I witnessed myself take action under duress rather than slow down, pause, and understand where I stood. I engaged in what I'm going to call the "white woman's handbook" of putting out the standard release of a #blackouttuesday square, antiracist posts, etc. I've learned that speaking without knowledge will undermine the entire point of what we're trying to gain. If I don't know (which there's a lot I don't) and I don't pause, I'll amplify the damage.
The need to consume isn't helpful if I overdo it.
I started to overdo it when I embarked on a shame spiral, or a negative loop of reflecting on what racist things I've done that I can't undo. So how did I manage that? I dove head in to my "have to's" of podcasts, books, movies, documentaries, donations, etc.
While learning and unlearning is necessary and good, over consuming information in response to shame will lead to exhaustion and even worse, back to where I began. Back to the safety and security of privilege because it's easier and familiar. Like any marathon, I'm learning to pace myself not only to care for my personal life and my business, but to ensure I don't derail any of my efforts.
I'm choosing to be a beginner as opposed to silently complicit.
I don't always have the right words, and I have and will make mistakes. In fact, I'll likely screw up here. I won't defend or deflect responsibility.
As a white woman, I'm not limited based on the color of my skin. What people assume about my work ethics and how I show up and serve my clients is not bound by my being white. I have taken for granted what I have easy access to and what I have in my life that for me seems pretty simple and common place. THIS is not common for everyone. I'm working on actively doing things to make my norm become more of the norm for Black people and people of color so that they can also have access to choose what they want and need to achieve what they want in life.
I'm committed to being an imperfect ally.
Here is what I'm starting with:
1. Current Consumption & Learning (I won't deny my pull for more, so I have items in the cue including some Fiction by Black authors with Black protagonists like "Get a Life, Chloe Brown" and "An American Marriage")
I'm reading How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi and Freedom is a Constant Struggle by Angela Davis
I'm beginning the Podcast 1619
2. Donations
The Loveland Foundation which provides financial assistance to Black women and girls nationally seeking therapy.
3. Work/Trainings
I'm expanding my referral network to Black therapists and therapists of color to broaden my ability to support clients who reach out and feel limited in their access
In July, I'll begin a mentorship program to build an online program to expand my reach to serve and support. As I develop this program I’m committed to making it inclusive and accessible.
Trauma training and development! This past weekend I advanced my training in the Flash Technique. This therapeutic intervention is effective online, it can be short term, and it's relatively painless. It's accessible and effective for children and adults of all ages and I believe this modality is expansive and inclusive of who it serves and benefits.
4. Personal
I am committed to having a stronger voice as I grow into becoming an imperfect ally, which includes admonishment of any "tone policing" from myself and others.
On a deeply personal level, In the fall I'm having a baby. I'm committed to doing my best to teach my child to be antiracist.
Start, acknowledge, and continue the rest of my life.